To me, there is no such state as the ‘best’ of myself. It is always changing.
As my home changes from Borneo to Singapore, from Singapore to Finland, from Finland to Singapore, my own state of mind is also constantly changing.
Having been away from home, Borneo, for almost two decades, the time I spent overseas are almost longer than the years I lived with my family. Singapore is my second home base. So it was quite bizarre that, when I was asked if I felt homesick in Finland. I paused and thought about it for a while, for ‘home’ is an abstract notion to me now.
Homeland is home, where I was born and bred, but departing to another foreign land from the second home did not make the distance between my homeland and I farther. And it was quite the opposite, as communication has become easier… and perhaps, also more difficult because it is now too convenient and easy that we have taken it for granted.
A conversation on the keypad was not as truthful as it used to be compared to last time when I still wrote letters which took more than a week to reach them or a short phone call where I would make sure to say the most important things first.
I realised, regardless of where I am, I can only be a better person if I’m willing to try… to be more sensitive on how I treat my loved ones and to not take things for granted. All these years had passed, I have aged and progressed, but perhaps at heart I am still the same person as if I have not left my town, the same person who is always trying to be a better version of herself.