Unconditional Love – Tracy Ling
Like any mother, I didn’t want to accept that my beautiful boy has a problem. I was in denial. I was then caught in a dilemma when my family broke up and left me with a two-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son with a special needs. My whole world crashed. By the grace of God, my maternal instincts kicked in. I was depressed and frustrated but the children has always been my first concern. I had to concentrate on my work to support my children and at the same time look for a solution to my son’s problem.
24 years ago, there was not enough information available to know about autism. Today, anyone can Google and get the information within seconds. What I did for my has been a matter of trial and error with a dose of common sense. I wish to make a difference in his life so he can grow up to be independent.
My son and I went through many highs and lows. I watch my son struggled through things that are normal to us. Some days I am so exhausted and depleted to think of what to do next. Dealing with an autistic child is overwhelming and consuming. Every second of his waking time overlaps mine. I don’t have a lot of “me” time. I am sorry for myself sometimes because I am all alone to deal with him. I felt angry, stressed and even cried buckets of tears that no one knows. However, each time I know that I need to pick myself up again for my children. My son is from me. I am his mother. Who else can give him love and patience if not his own parent? But did I ever want to give up? Did I get angry with God on difficult days? To tell you the truth, yes I did. However, when he got “better” through the passing years, I got stronger. All thanks to God’s trust in me.
Faith and positive attitude helped me through the difficult years. I am a persistent person, I always encourage myself and tell myself that I can do it. I teach my son to be aware of his surroundings, everything around is a teaching aid. I kept asking him questions to gauge how much he understands. The time I spend together with him is all purposeful. I create different type of activities to keep him interested. It takes a lot of effort, but do I have a choice? Not if I want the best for him.
Many times I ask God why he gave me a son with special needs. Why me? I believe it is all in God’s plan. My son, has softened me up, made me more patient and less judgemental. God has made me more compassionate towards others. Through my son, he taught me to love unconditionally and never give up. He also taught me to celebrate small victories each day and to appreciate little things in life. I feel that God is actually refining me. Whatever qualities I lack, God develop me through my autistic son. My son is a precious gift from God. Today I am a different person, though it’s still a work in progress. I have been through a lot of tough times and God has surely heard my cry. He sent me many angels to ease my path with friends who understand my situation and accepts my son for who he is.
Today, my autistic son and I will go out together for meals. We enjoy each other’s company, even if only for a short while. Acceptance and unconditional love goes a long way.