My family are clean of malign illnesses. No connection with the BIG C! Therefore when I developed those symptoms, it never once came across my mind that it would be something this serious; which delay my doc consultation and check ups in the hospital until it got bigger and worse. I did went to the clinic twice, but they didn’t diagnose it correctly.
I remembered, it was the night on Christmas eve, I experienced an intense pain on my lower abdominal.. So pain that I can’t talk or walk.. I just keep perspiring and shivering at the same time… It was then that my boyfriend sent me to the hospital and the doctor there performed an ultra scan and X ray on me. (FYI i was working in Singapore at that time). It was then confirmed that there’s a mass in my abdominal area and I need to be admitted to do CT scan asap.
I called my mom and she wants me to be back in my hometown to further clarify with my family doctor. And if surgery is required, she can be there for me and all.
So I fly home the following day.
And upon consultation with my family doctor, he too confirmed that there was a mass growing in me and referred me to hospital for immediate attention. To be honest, when doctor confirmed that there was a cyst found in my ovary, I was so disappointed that I started crying. It hit me hard because I was told that they will need to remove my ovary. My first thought was, I won’t be able to have kids anymore. Then I tried to calmed myself down and thoughts like living life as a woman without an ovary is going to be perfectly fine. Even if I want to have children, I can always opt for adoption. So I thought after the surgery, that would be the end of my (everyone’s) nightmare.
But I was wrong…
Lab test report came out and it showed that the cyst was cancerous, my dreams shattered again. I thought I was going to die ! Which means I won’t be able to get married, have kids, take care of my parents~ What’s worst was my parents; they are old already, how can parents send their kids “off”, you know? Funeral for children! That thought was so devastating that I started crying in my room thinking about it.
I told my boyfriend about it, he shared that it wasn’t right to even think this way. He wants me to promise that I will fight this battle. How can I give up when everyone around me have not even given up their hope. The battle has just started. I will be fine! I will get through this! We will get through this together!
Cancer is like a new definition of second chance in life. At least it came knocking not too early, not too late and present w solutions. It gave life a new definition and making you starting over! So I went to google for all the inspirational stories about cancer survivor and how they manage to overcome all the obstacles and won big C war! I “absorbed” all these positive juices from them! I wanna get cured. I wanna fight for my survival not only for myself, but for my mom and dad, for my love ones. When I looked at my old photos; doing marathons, participate in charity events, volunteering job, travelling around and diving in the free ocean… I want to be this fun again! I want to have this meaningful life again! So I need to make sure I recover!! I just can’t wait!
I always believe things happened for a reason and I know, I should continue to believe this during this down time! God only gives what we can handle. If he put us through this shit, he’ll help us get through it !
What really keeps me going was the support from my FAMILY! It was a total nightmare to stay in the hospital for 10 days. With tubes and IV drip on my hand. It was hard for me to move around. Especially on day 3 onwards, my body will feel very weak and sometimes, I can’t even stand still, I’ll feel dizzy but I was glad that my mom was there to assist me … Feeding me and also to shower me.. I feel quite helpless at that time.. I don’t know how will I be able to go through this if it wasn’t for my mom!! And my dad to gave mom a strong support so she doesn’t give up knowing she can’t show her sadness infront of me. My sis and bro for being there for me and family. My boyfriend, for everyday texting and sending me voice recording messages. He will listen to all my grumbles, complains about the pain and my miserable life in hospital. Exchanging news of his life in Singapore and things that I could look forward to.
I am thankful for the second chance given. Despite the painful and torturing experience, I’m still alive. Well, at least i wasn’t perished in any accident that causes instant death. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to share my thoughts and intention. I believe I have a message to convey to others given this survival. Because when I was diagnosed with cancer, I really wished someone had come forward to share their experience before I got it. I wished the awareness were great enough to be known by everyone. I wished people would have gotten the sharing responsibility rolling and start giving others hope!
Cancer does not mean death. It means second chance. To restart.
What’s my personal motto?
Busy Living or Get Busy Dying!
My advice to others is….
LIVE LIFE. Start living. Set short term goals. Take up new challenge. Learn new things. Achieve it! Reward yourself! Make time for your family n love ones, not find time! Work hard but play harder. Contribute to the society. Help others. Volunteerism. Expose yourself to new environment. Keep improving, keep moving – while you still can. Nobody know if any of us can reach retirement age of 60 alive. So live it! No one is going to get out this life, alive. Why are we living like as if we are not dying? And die regretting for the life we have not lived.
We can’t change the world but we can start by changing ourselves.
Now, I’ll be the person that I wished for! To #spreadlovecreatehope .